In Letter 3, in Seneca’s Letters on Ethics, Seneca explores vulnerability’s importance in true friendship and finding a middle ground between being one who is always on the move and one who is always stagnant. A link to the full letter is at the bottom of this post.

I had a couple takeaways and ideas I agreed with heavily in this letter.

The first was: examine and choose friendships with scrutiny, then be all in on those friendships. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be friendly with many people, more that if you truly consider one a friend, you should be able to talk with them as you talk with yourself. I believe vulnerability is a key component of building a true connection. To lie or put on a facade when attempting to build a friendship will result in the other person not connecting with the real you. This, if the facade is put on for long enough, will eat away at your sense of self and identity.

The second was: temperance, one of the four core virtues of stoicism, should be applied to the amount you trust in others. Seneca offers up two people, one who confides in everyone, and one who confides in nobody. He says both characteristics are faults, the former being more honorable, the latter being safer. There is a middle ground to be found where you trust only in those closest to you, true friendships, and family.

The third was similar: there is temperance to be found between being constantly on the run, constantly moving, and being lazy. It’s important to find moments of quietness and time to organize one’s thoughts. It is also important not spend all of your time doing this. One should contribute positively to those around them and that takes a certain amount of work. It is tempting to shut out all news and media to find clarity, yet, to be a functioning member of society, it is important to be tuned into the happenings. There is balance to be found here. “Some flee so far into their dens they think everything outside is turmoil.”

https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Moral_letters_to_Lucilius/Letter_3